Observations of a Special Needs Child: Finding Your Tribe

While this is actually just a lesson in life…it seems more intense with a special needs kiddo. Always remember that some people are important and special, some aren’t. Good or bad,  sometimes they stay and sometimes they don’t. And it’s okay.

This revolving door of life applies to the honorable, as well to the dishonorable. It is important that you make peace with it. We are blessed to have a family friend who truly loves Harlen. He is willing to take care of Harlen in our “absence.” Asks about him several times a week. He has suggested that we take Harlen on several day “boys” trip, camping out on the way. When I show up at his house without Harlen, he is disappointed. This is a relationship that enriches both of them. In addition to the love, he is a man of honor. What a great example for an adolescent young man! On the other hand, special needs kids bring out the worst in some. Harlen has been, literally, disowned by “family” that pledged a solemn oath to be there for him. Were we mad?

Hell no! We were thrilled.  Who would want their child, special needs or neurotypical, to be around such selfish, dishonorable humans? If this happens to you, just say a prayer for their dark, twisted souls and think of it as a self-flushing toilet.

It is obvious that you should be thankful for the vile exiting stage left, but be okay with the good people leaving too.  Harlen had a great trainer. An accomplished man who held him to a standard. He pushed Harlen and got a lot out of him, more than I thought he could. After a time his business really took off and these days he doesn’t have time for Harlen. Were we mad? Hell No! We want our friend to be a successful and we celebrate his victories. Instead of being sad, we thank God for the time that they had together. They shared a bond and I am quite sure that they still love each other. We still speak fondly of the time they had and that Harlen had a good, strong role model. These days he has a Jujitsu instructor. While I don’t know anything about martial arts, I am told that he is a savant. He does one-on-one lessons with Harlen and is constantly smiling and laughing. Again, Harlen is blessed with a good, strong role model. They have a fun, unique, joyous relationship.  With all of his accomplishments at martial arts, he truly loves coaching Harlen. It is so much fun to watch. How long will this relationship last? Who knows? But more importantly, who cares? It is a beautiful thing. All of our kids need these bonds. With a neurotypical kid, one of the most important things that you can teach them is how to choose friends. With a special needs kid, you are in charge of who interacts with them. Don’t let the ebbs and flows bother you. Just because something is good, doesn’t mean it is forever. That teacher that does a great job…think of the the time they spend with your kiddo as a gift. That wait person that is patient and interacts with him, with a kind smile, they too are a gift. The person who works at the store who greets your kid by name, yup…a gift. How long will they last? More importantly, who knows what is around the next corner?