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Corporate America's Managers Need an Enema

Updated: Sep 28, 2021

You corporate managers are a bunch of politically correct pussies!!! You are destroying the culture in your companies and until you grow a spine you will continue to carry a load in your diapers. If you don't want to live your life as a wimp...read on.

Having just read an article about "microaggressions" and what to do about them and I have to say, y'all made one hell of a mess. The article, titled 4 Steps to Properly Address Microaggressions went through a series of things to do if you are the victim of a "microaggression." Yeah....seriously. That is the premise, I am not kidding. The article uses examples of a "microaggression." "For example, if a white person says to a Black woman, “You are really pretty!” Then, after getting to know her a bit more, the person says, “Oh my gosh, you are so smart too!” Seriously? When did "you are pretty and smart" become something that an adult couldn't handle? Are you looking so hard to be offended that you can't take a compliment? When did being a pathetic twat become a virtue? The first suggestion was to "STEP ONE: CREATE A SAFE SPACE"

Seriously...a fucking "Safe Place" for a supposed adult. Such a suggestion is nauseating. We were once a country that defeated Hitler's march for world domination. Now we need a "safe place" to recover from "volunteering an Asian colleague to bring fried rice to a company picnic." Are we seriously such sensitive little cowards? Maybe it was funny. Maybe they are good at fried rice. Italians are not offended if you think they make great lasagna. It isn't like you said "Orange Tabby fried rice" which would have been high-fucking-larious. Guess I would have been fired when I asked an employee of Mexican heritage to borrow his knife. He said he didn't have one. I suggested that not carrying a knife was his turning his back on his heritage. He responded that I turned my back on my heritage too since I didn't live in a double wide. You know what we did? We laughed...like adults. It was funny. That was joyful which is the opposite of "toxic." The article's second suggestion, "SHOW OPENNESS TO HEAR THE HARD THINGS." "hey...the ability to listen is important...maybe this suggestion is not pitiable." Then I read on. “I don’t think you were aware of this, but what you said was offensive to me, and I think you could have phrased it better in this way . . . .” Okay...so we have to teach adults to talk! Really? Of course, if you are really bothered, you don't put the other person on defensive. How about being a grown up? "Dude...I know you didn't mean anything by it but I am sensitive about my weight...would appreciate it if you wouldn't call me "tiny" anymore...if you do I will sit on you and flatten your skinny ass...deal?" How is any of this a "hard thing" to hear?

I could go on....and on....and on, ripping apart the pathetic people for whom this article was written, but why? The bottom line is this, you corporate managers created this environment which rewards cowardice and plays to the least-common-denominator. You get what you grow...and it is time for you to grow a spine.

If someone comes to you complaining that someone complimented them...if you tell them that it is horrible that they are offended, you are fostering that faux-fragility. If you simply tell them to "grow up" and that in the real world. compliments are actually good. Instruct them to say "thank you" like they should have been taught as children. By fostering this mega-sensitive, cowardly behavior and you have poisoned your companies. A friend of mine told me that "We are afraid to talk to one another for fear of offending them and ending up in HR. Everyone is on edge...one word could get you fired...so we just email each other...sometimes when we are in the same room." Read that again....You assholes have made your best people so fearful that Cover Your Ass is their primary goal. What a fucking mess you made! Understand, that this is an incredibly intelligent man with multiple scientific degrees, working for a company that is top 10 in global brand value. Does this sound like the company is using him to his potential? Fuck no it isn't. As intelligent and able as he is...he just does his job and goes home. This guy is scared to talk in meetings or with coworkers, especially one on one. Making eye contact is an act of bravery in this world. Your companies are toxic and waste the talent that you are paying for. So you have a bunch of whipped employees...how do you fix it? Start by having a meeting and telling them that you need creative people, people that are unafraid...that if they will be offended that they need to work some other place. Purge the pussies. Reward people talking, building relationships. Foster a place that people can talk, laugh, be themselves. Be punitive with the wimps. Let them know that being "offended" is cowardly behavior and it should not be tolerated.

Be a place that can play Blazing Saddles or Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts in the break room. Those creative works come from a time when people laughed. If someone has a problem, tell them that the workplace isn't hostile, it's fun and if they don't like it, they are part of the problem. Before meetings, tell jokes, ask about their family members, you know....build relationships. Because you need to face the fact that relationships will never grow in the cesspools that you have created. So fucking change it. People that are relaxed and happy are productive employees. A friend of mine manages an office for a large financial organization. He was bringing his entire crew to lunch and they were trying to figure out where to go. They had narrowed it down to a couple of restaurants, one that specializes in dipped fried chicken. When a woman, who happens to be black, was asked "do you like fried chicken?" She responded "Oh honey, do you really have to ask?" In your companies this would have resulted in an emergency HR review and "sensitivity training."


You see, she isn't an super-sensitive asshole looking for a reason to be offended but rather someone who enjoys a good laugh. She said something funny...everyone guffawed, they had a great lunch and you know what? Unlike your people, they enjoy working together. That is a place that works. Make your place work. Reward creativity, laughter and happiness. Crush the hyper sensitive Karens that look for reasons to be offended. It boils down to this...if your company has a "safe place" your employees hate you, loathe going to work and think that you suck ass. And you do. Don't let that be your legacy.

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